chainwoman

This is my second time writing this. Fuck AOL who seems to have a thing with disconnecting me as of lately. And fuck whoever is in Bangkok trying to hack into my computer...

To read my entry on Shawnee Mission Unitarian Universalist Church's worship service and my self introspection afterwards

Alright. So, this morning I woke up and went to the worship service at SMUUCh . I did this for a couple of reasons. First, I've always been curious. I mean we use their church and not only that we say we're in alignment with them and believe in the same things they do. So, perhaps I should make sure that is true... Secondly, I took an oath this year to learn more about what it means to be a Unitarian Universalist.

Overall, it was an interesting experience. When I arrived it took them a couple of minutes to realize I was new. I did not see any familiar faces, not Marjorie, nor Kim, nor Cathy, etc. The woman I met, Patty, was very nice. She set me up with a folder and when I went to enter I was handed a program...

So, overall they appeared semi-organized. However, I felt really young. Everyone around me seemed to be older. So, I felt like a kid. A lady named B came and sat next to me. She was really nice and talkitive, but she was old. She told me about how their attendance was down and that she was not sure if it was due to summer and people on vacation or if everybody was waiting for their new minister. She commented on how well educated their new minister was and quoted his resume to me and told me about what a good presentation and sermon he gave, but he is soo young (LoL he's my age).

So, the worship service began with the Board of Trustees doing the opening. She read everything she said (I kid you not). And everything seemed to be so rehearsed. Rehearsed is not a good word for it. Perhaps formality is a better word. We do this because this is how we open our worship, and because we are UUs, and because this is how all UUs do this. No explanations, if there were explanations they were very simple and short. Matter of fact, I'm still curious about this water of life thing... So, that is how it began...

After all the opening stuff, we did a responsive reading, which in perspective had absolutely nothing to do with the sermon. I'm not sure if that is normal or not, but if it is normal I find it extremely strange and pointless. I did not get much out of the little paragraph on religion. It was like, yeah, and? However, I had to swallow my chuckle when the guy next to me commented on what a beautiful reading that was. Yeah...

From there we moved into the sermon which was okay. It was given by a minister who is interning at All Souls Unitarian Universalist Church. She talked about ideals and how she is an idealist. She had many good points. I believe her over-all point was trying to get across the idea that instead of being cynical we should stand up and do something about what we believe in. She gave many stories of people who have done just that. From her father, to Martin Luther King, and so on and so on.

It's kinda funny because, the meaning is just that of what we hoped to get across in the Martin Luther King Ritual we did at Gaia Community . It's nice to sit around and bitch and it's nice to say that's impossible. However, it's a whole different thing to act on it. To fix what you are bitching about. It was nice to hear this said to me again. It was one thing to be telling others that six months ago. However, to hear it for myself was something I think I needed to hear. Something to remind me to not give up on my dreams. That it is okay to dream and to go after your dreams. Because they are not just dreams. They are possible.

It also made me remember that this is one of the biggest problems I had with Victor. I felt as though he had a dream and decided that it was impossible to obtain and so he stopped chasing and took what he could get. Perhaps I am young, and dumb, and starry eyed, but if that is what I am, then I guess I will be that for the rest of my life. I will not give up until my dreams come true.

It's kinda interesting that this came up today. As many of you know I have been stating that I feel lost and as though I am on the wrong road. Everybody on lj seemed to think it was stress related. And I started to believe that. However, now I'm not so sure that is it. It may partially be stress, and if it is stress it is because I know I am not on the right path and I am constantly trying to figure out how to get to the right path. Should I ride this out for a while? I was even questioning whether I should give up...

After today I have decided not to give up. I will fight for what I believe in. I will fight for what I want. And I will not give up... It's interesting how sometimes you forget things until you are reminded of them. I know what my dreams are and they do not include collections, nor mental health, nor living with my mother for eternity...

So, what am I gonna do. I'm gonna ride this out for as long as I had planned on... I need collections because it pays. And I need money because in order to obtain my dream I need money. Therefore I will continue to live with my mother, also helping me to save money. And when I feel as though I might go insane from living with my mother I will remind myself that it IS only temporary. I will not work full time for the mental health facility. It does not pay enough to get me in the financial situation that I need to be in. Part of my dream is to help people, not in the same way I am at the mental health facility, but the mental health facility is giving me a breaking point and allowing me to do something with my degree. So, I will remain part-time. Another big part of my life is Gaia Community. I will remain there because it is currently feeding my spiritual path. How long I can not say, but I know when it is time to go I will.

The sermon closed with the song "We Shall Overcome." The minister said "now sing it with some meaning." And I had to smile at that comment because I remember being in kindergarten and being forced to stand in a circle hand in hand with the whole school swaying back and forth singing "We Shall Overcome." Thing is, when you're five that song has NO meaning. You really could care less about standing in a circle singing when you could be playing. To this day, I don't know what the hell sparked that... However, as I sang the song I did feel that it has tons of meaning. Not just in terms of only breaking down the racial barriers. But in terms of looking at our world today. Not everyone in our world today can stand up and stay outloud that they can overcome. They can not even fathom the idea of being free. To me the song helped me realize first that it is a worthy song. Second, that we still have a long way to go. Third, perhaps GC should think about using the song in the Martin Luther King Ritual of 2004.

As one more side note to how SMUUCh's worship servie is, they took an offering. To which the song "Blowin in the Wind" was played... I really could not understand for the life of me why they chose that song. Not to mention the fact that the offering baskets looked pretty bare... So, I was a bit disappointed in SMUUCh's community.

Overall, I will go back to SMUUCh just to see if each worship service is similar to that one and to see what the service is like with the interim minister and also probably go back once they have their minister. I realize that SMUUCh is in the middle of transition. However, in the end I felt as though Gaia Community has more of a spiritual path to it. SMUUCh's service just seemed so empty in a way. However, I'm happy that I was able to get something out of it and learn from it.

If you read all of this I am impressed. However, I'm gonna shut up and go because apparently Sunday is a day to hack into peoples' computers as I just got another attack from Canada. Damn Canadians. I also need to leave in a half hour for Gaia. So, have a wonderful afternoon.